1.
Unable to resist the siren call
of Hollywood horror films
You casually abducted your children from school
Where we languished in soporific elementary pedanticism
You shuttled us from our classes
with breezy academic impunity
Your call from the office a salty-thrilled rescue
Our two-step exodus the envy of our peers
2.
And this:
Together, drinking televised basketball magic
My enthusiasm a mirror reflection of yours
With occasional furtive, star-eyed glances
I undertook a subterranian memorization of your gestures
And slowly began to wear them as my own
3.
A memory:
Me, at twelve
Running: my new-found honor
Jockying along, trustle-step, next to you
"Coltish," mom would say, and we'd be off
And that time, in Toledo
Deep in the February winter,
Snow banks to our knees
A barely-attended 5k competition
The rag-tag runners there
Celebrating our pan-generational alacrity
Wings on feet, spirit hinged
The deep, rippling pleasure of belonging
Our 7am race a diapasonic duet
My twelve-year-old heart
In love with my father
on Valentine's Day
4.
An image:
You, at 45, insisting on adventure
Clambering into the din of a fading Hollywood club
And breathlessly awaiting
The sudden, shocking energy of the pit
The Circle Jerks erupt in blaring rifts
of affected discontent
And you are riding a maelstrom
of arms and heads and attitude
The crowd bobbing and force-weaving
A swirling circle of furious dissonance
I watch with my brother, wide-eyed and ready
You, jubilant, ride another limb-flying wave
But an elbow catches you unawares
Sending your spectacles on a northward trajectory
And your nose reeling from the blow
You're raised up, unbidden,
by delirious, youthful masses
(who consider you part of their night's adventure)
You're being carried
And I'm growing superhuman strength
In a death leap I reach you
Pulling you out
From their communal
juggernaut embrace
You are stumbling, stunned
Standing there in your professorial blazer
Teary-eyes ablaze
You think that was exhilarating
And i think you are too much
5.
You pilot a pendulum of extremes
Ferry a legacy of wild-hoofed translations
Hedonist to ascetic, round-trip repeating
Two selves riding the same cool coin
A smooth, pileated dichotomy
From poignant encomia to crass scurrility
Quiet trilling symphonies to a frenetic punk clabber-beat
Sainted abnegation to thick-bellied gluttony
Existential contemplation interrupted by a bag of potato chips
Or perhaps enhanced by it
6.
Images cascade:
You, mischievously questioning your daughters' suitors
in mock disapprobation
You, launching my brother in the surf
(He, delighted, bloodshot, drunk on seawater)
You, holding my tiny big sister
(She, racked with sobs, terrified by drug-induced demons)
You, calmly teaching me German and French from cue cards
(Me, practicing silently alone for the appearance of spontaneous excellence)
You, holding your hands upturned, helpless
Your eyes a silent question,
"What can I do?"
Synaloepha of memories folding into my heart
Each one a glimmering journey
From who you are
To who I am
July, 2000
